new york…or somewhere else

sometimes it’s hard to picture yourself anywhere other than what you know and have learned to love. i know this to be true for new york. freedom, success, community, and ultimately fun are all the things new york has represented for me. but that’s quite simply the problem. for me, all of those things could only be found in new york and as long as i desired those things, i was tied to new york.

there is an unhealthy stigma that the new york lifetsyle dominates all other lifestyles. i definitely rode that train but as time passed, i found it to be a dangerous and toxic mindset. maybe it’s because new york offers so many opportunities and maybe another state truly could never measure up but in truth, i got sick of “having to be someone”. and what i mean by that is over time, the conversations between newly acquainted friends became more focused on where i worked, what i did, and who i knew. what ever happened to waking up and just living your life? i’m sure the pressure to be somebody has not been helped by social media but whatever happened to the simpler life?

over the past year, my therapist and i worked on acceptance. Accepting that is was okay to find my “new york”, but somewhere else.

after 4 years of calling the city my home, i have decided to call it quits and move back to california. as painful as it is to leave something that has become familiar and oddly comfortable, beginning a new chapter is equally exhilarating. everything will be alright. i will learn how to take deep breaths under the blues skies somewhere else. i am hopeful i will find a community that builds, challenges and inspires me.