sometimes we're okay and sometimes we're not

sometimes i’m okay and sometimes i’m not. like people always say, it’s okay to not be okay. while i struggle like any human, i always always try to find the good and beautiful things. the list doesn’t have to be long. it’s not about the length but the depth. for instance, today i found a weird mix of a non-dairy almond milk/oat milk creamer that is a hazelnut latte flavor that actually is the bomb.com. it’s the little things that bring me a profound amount of joy. if it means taking yourself out to coffee once a week just to breathe, i’d say go for it.

it’s been a hard year and this new year continues to stretch my boundaries and magnify my discomforts, but i’m going to be okay and so are you. if just surviving is what it takes, so be it. you’re doing a superb job of being you.

but don’t forget that you have people rooting for you. people who love you but can’t or don’t always vocalize it. i wasn’t very good at communicating digitally pre-covid and i can’t say i’ve improved during this pandemic but to my friends and family, i think about you a lot and i love you.

for me, the past year has really debunked the idea that the physical/mental valleys and mountains we travel through are short term. growing up, movies taught me that voyages through the Sahara desert or any huge geographical landscapes only take a few days when in reality they take months and sometimes years. the concept of time has never been so relevant than it is now. this period of mourning for me has spanned the majority of last year and parts of this year and i think that it’s okay. uncertainty is not in any way, the absence of God. we weren’t created to be able to see into the future or relive the past. there were and still are plenty of times when i wish i could go back or skip ahead but the only thing i can do is be in the present. we were meant to be in the present even if it means feeling the good and the bad. the number of times that i’ve cried while facetiming a friend is countless but that’s what friends are for: feeling the feels together.

i’m rambling because that’s what i do best but there’s a possibility that i will continue writing about these kinds of topics because again, the best way for me to express these feelings are through the written word. i know i don’t have a following and i don’t expect to but i’m a firm believer that someone needs to read this whether it be a familiar face or a stranger. a seed is planted everyday without you ever knowing.