a month of adjustment

i don’t often share my personal life despite having instagram and facebook (not that i post anything remotely interesting or even with the slightest relevance to my life). as an artist, i think it’s great to be honest and share with your friends and followers, however, i don't feel the need to tell every detail. i don't envy people who share every detail of their life on social media because 1) where’s the mystery? and 2) now every person on this world, friend or stranger, knows a little too much about you.

anyways, back to my original point, i have hinted many ways than one that i recently moved to new york. like my very first trip to the city, i took a leap of faith and booked a one-way flight in hopes that somehow God would fill in some very big holes. a few college friends kindly offered me their couch in a small but comfortable apartment. it was fun-i was their third wheeler, the child they weren’t ready to adopt, the girl who took big chances with so little of a plan. surprised? i’m not. hardly anything in this world surprises me anymore. 

fast forward three and a half weeks. i’m still here, anxiously filling in time for everyday that i’m not working. you know how you have this idea that things are gonna come in the order you want them to when you want them to? yeah me me too, except that doesn’t exist. in fact, that has never existed. I’m my fantasy world, i would’ve moved to new york, got the job, found the house and then found the community that i would belong to. some of those things happened, some haven’t. 

i’ve found a wonderful church community with hundreds of young and passionate creatives, not just for their job, but for the holy spirit. i go to dinner parties on wednesday nights and i go to services on sunday nights. i’m very fulfilled in the spirit. 

i just signed a lease for my own room-a place where i can finally have ownership over. a place where i don’t have to pack my sheets up every morning. a place where i can have my clothes in a designated spot in their respective suitcase. a place to finally call home. very dramatic, am i right?

check to community. check to a home. uncheck to the main reason i moved here: a job. let’s just say that in this time, God  has been testing me. He wants to see that i am still true to my faith even when the one thing i want is the one thing i don’t have. often times it’s what we want the most that we can’t have. sometimes it’s not even that we don’t have it, it’s that it’s not happening in the time frame that we created for ourselves. see, God doesn’t have a time frame. He knows about every minute, every second of our life. He is such a detailed man.

i keep trying to live every day, not for granted but as a gift. to have such time in this kind of city where you’re not rushing, you aren’t stressed out, is a very rare gift. to have this much time to adjust to a new setting, practically a new life, is a gift. i know that for many of us, it’s hard to  enjoy something when we have it and totally regret how we acted when we don’t have it anymore. 

also, how is it that october is over?!?!